meg ryan

i really loved meg rayen very natural beatifull and fun i always wanted to be her so i remeber that i used to dress up like her and talk the way she talked i just i have her luck now :p
poor grl she was dumbed and allt he world knew about her ouch........

scared

in kuwait or my familly we were raised to be scared my dad will hit us for the fun of it he really really love it when he see our little eyes come out from fearing him he likes that look and love the idea that we were scared and becouse we were raised scared i spent much more of my life scared when i was young and first yr of collage i used to be scared to walk the same isle with boys and if i look at one guy face to face and our eyes met i will see him spetting at me or looking at me disgustingly and sometine i will imagen that he hits me for yrs and yrs i i had these illusions and i was so afraid of men and more afraid to fall in
love

i teached my self how to look ugly not to put make up not to thread ur eyebrows and if a man stare at me i'll stare back in disgues why did i do that :( couse i was afraid of falling in love couse i was scared of my dad he will kill me if he knew
now i know thats not true and i should be stronge if i can bring time back i would love my self more
i didnt love me im 32 and i dont know the me inside couse i hated her back and scared her when i should comfort her

im really sorry for all these yrs he scared u and i backed him up
im sorry
and i promise that grl i always want
im sorry and i know how much ur hurt

no love

the story of my life and many others for centeries nolove
im very lonly my husband dont talked to me not to mention touch meim really heart i need a man love some one to love me and protect me i never had it before and its killing me to know that i will never have it in the future either
why isnt he in love with me
each time i tryed to talk about it he'll yell and make it something stuiped and blame me for reuing his mood and that no one can tolarnet me

hello world

hello world

i cant bealive i've finally started my diary im not sure where to start

i'll start with today & with time i'll say more about the past i couldnt sleep last night i was thinkg about him again & i just noticed that he was in the back of my head and in my heart for the last 9 yrs oh my god is it 9 yrs already ! we met in the net he was only 18 and i was 23 and back then 23 was 40 to me lettle that i know and it must felt 50 for him i thought we dont have a chance espcially that he was refreshment in a usa collage so i pushed him away and so he did but the feeling i had for him never went away strange how can u fall in love with some one very far away

yesterday i remember him and wished if i can huged him one time and tell him how i feel and why we were apart but its too late now
i was raised to be scared all my life as a grl living in kuwait you cant fall in love u cant have a realationship it was bad for urimage and reputation and you will bring shame to your familly as you can only marry in the tradition way arrange marriage sound stuiped and 17 centry i know but guss what all the girls i know had relationships on and off fall in love get dumped and went with all the drama and i used to watch them and hear all there stories and i never did a thing couse i was so scared from my father
and you cant blame me only if u knew